Friday, September 23, 2011

Don't Give Up

One of the things I love about the blogs that I read is how open so many bloggers are about the personal side of their life.  It's easy to hide behind beautiful designs and images and make it appear that your life is as perfect as the images of fashion, parties and homes.  But I love how so many from the blog community are so honest about challenges and self doubts that can take place in their life.  Erin Gates from Elements of Style, in my opinion, is the absolute best at opening up and leaving raw emotion out there for her readers.  I think it's so brave and some of her best posts have been the ones that offer honest reflection on her insecurities and the obstacles they create.  I've always admired her design work so much and what she has accomplished in her business that it surprises me when she writes about these personal challenges she faces.  I think this is such a truthful and meaningful way to go about your blog and makes you feel more like a friend than an outsider. 

I'm fairly private when it comes to "my feelings" so I've always struggled sharing my own obstacles.  But yesterday Nicole over at sketch42 wrote a blog post that made me do some serious self-reflection and I thought it was only fair to share why I've taken such a long hiatus from my blog.  The post Nicole wrote was about trusting your instincts and not letting self doubt take over when creating art.  For me, I related to this post through my design work. 

I've taken what can no longer be considered a "temporary break" from the blog.  I used my new job as an excuse for why I didn't have enough time to keep up with blogging and take on design clients, but the real reason is I started to get scarred.  Some major self doubt started setting in and therefore I turned down design jobs, I put off writing posts, and retreated into the background of just observing others talent.  Anytime I thought of getting back into design work questions would come into my mind...

Am I going to be able to create beautiful designs for people?
Do I really have a knack for this?
Who is going to care about my blog? 
Can I trust my instincts when it comes to design? 
Why do I think I can turn this into a career? 

I've always been a very goal oriented person and hate backing down from a challenge but for some reason, I became intimated with the design work I was doing and didn't want to set myself up to fail.  It was easier to fall back into the routine of a 9 to 5 job with a steady paycheck and not have to take a risk.  Even more than that, I refused to work and find a balance between the two so that I could continue pursuing what I love.

I know that quitting is the worst thing you can do when those thoughts of self-doubt start creeping in your mind.  I truly miss blogging and a new design project I've been working on has been a reminder of just how much I love doing this.  And as Nicole said yesterday, even when I'm not as proud as I want to be with some work, I need to trust my instincts and stick with it.  This is the beauty of creative have to dig deep to bring visions in your mind to life.  The interpretation of mind to body is never going to be definite and the moment you stop working to improve that interpretation is the moment you're not being true to your creativity and talent. 

I have been thinking a lot about wanting to get back into blogging the past few weeks and the timing of Nicole's post yesterday felt like cosmic intervention.  I'm going to hang the quit from her post next to my desk so it's a reminder to push these fears of failure out of my mind and really start trusting my instincts.  And I appreciate all of you coming to this blog to share that adventure. 

So there you have it, I'm back and up for the challenge!!

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